Yep, the title says it all. Our life had become more and more chaos everyday and with that, our time management skill and multitasking partnerhood skill have also been leveled up!
At first, I didn’t think it was crazy at all, coz I think the challenges were adding up in stages. First, Bandi and I became parents of one adorable kid, and then we became pregnant (so that I slacked off of house chores a little) and then both of us had taken international role in our jobs, meaning that we have evening calls most of the workweek.
Increasing Mental Load
That was this year, and I started growing more and more irritated and anxious everyday, that was when I realized I think I suffered what internet called overloaded by mental load; there are just too many things I have to remember, organize and take note in my mind, so yeah, it became ‘too much’.
We are all familiar about mental load by now. It’s the under-appreciated efforts that usually carried by Women/Mothers.
I used to be okay to manage the mental load and shared it with Bandi whenever possible (although my control freak nature sometimes hindered me); however since I became bigger in size (that made me physically slow) and the extra effort on managing my blood sugar (due to Gestational Diabetes); I found myself getting frustrated easily.
The Simple Solution
So that was it, I had to find real solutions to ease my life. It turns out…. My solution is as simple as doing manual journaling.
So I had been a journaling enthusiast since I was 6 years old (my Dad introduced me to it) and I basically did journaling continuously until I moved to Singapore and started to depend my life to iPhone.
Because of the GD, I started doing a food log journal since July and also recorded my blood sugar. Then I started doing manual monthly planning (by manual I mean on the paper, not phone) and I felt more in control.
Then I proposed to Bandi to do a family monthly calendar with daily activities that usually confuses us. We have an iPhone shared Calendar but it’s mostly for bookings or events and once the calendaring became more complex, iPhone calendar didn’t really suit.
This is what I mean…
So, usually we will plan our upcoming week by listing down our WFO (work from office) days and evening call timings. Then we decide who’s gonna drop and pick up Alessandro from school.
As I mentioned, the challenge of managing evening schedule only appeared when we started our work-role with international timezone. We have a lot of evening calls, thus we need to pre-plan on who’s gonna do Alessandro’s bedtime.
For example, take a look at date 20th Sept. Bandi will pick up Alessandro, feed him dinner, shower him, prep him for bedtime, coz I had call til 7.30 pm. Then I will shower and take over from 8 pm onwards coz it was Bandi’s turn for his work calls. In days where the timing clashes, we will call babysitter to come and help, although this is pretty rare.
Before this manual calendar, we did briefing on Sunday and kinda used our brain cells to remember it. It took a lot of mental load space for me coz sometimes we still ask each other the same questions, “eh, so tomorrow your call is until 9 right?”
So now we have this physical (non screen) calendar in our kitchen, it reaaaally eases my anxiety. Coz I know our time has been planned and I’m in control.
What about house chores?
So Bandi and I are at the point of our lives that we let go calculating house chores. As we agree partnership is not always 50-50, we also let go the expectation of doing house chores 50-50. Trust me, this is important! Coz if you’re insisting to always have 50-50, nobody’s gonna win. Sometimes it could be 70-30,or it could be 20-80. Our partner and us will go through different phases in life, thus as long as we have the same vision and mission, at the end aggregately the efforts will be 50-50.
Usually, whoever doesn’t put Alessandro for bedtime, will do dishes, throw garbage out and clean up the kitchen. This is the only daily chores that we do. We cannot go to sleep with dirty kitchen.
Laundry is usually done by Bandi and Alessandro. Yes Alessandro now contributes on house chores, like picking up dirty clothes and put in hamper, load the washing machine and pick up dry clean clothes from laundry rack.
I mostly do the ironing and folding laundry simply because I find them therapeutic. Alessandro sometimes help too. :)
Our robot vacuum will work twice a week so that we keep our floors clean! The other heavy lifting chores like mopping and bathroom are done by our hourly helper (there are so many available in Singapore, you can DM me for reference discount code! LOL)
Mindset Shift
And one biggest trick I found to keep our house clean and tidy (even with kids) is… to be clutter-free. This requires a mind-shift change of course, to stop buying stuffs unless it’s really necessary. I can do a whole new post about this, trust me, coz I’m passionate about this topic. Basically the modern society had become too consumptive and we buy a lot of unnecessary stuffs. It’s not good for your well-being and the environment too! :)
And I know, with kids, you’ll have tons of cluttered toys and this will drive you crazy. For us, it’s the books too. Alessandro has sooooo many books and also books we borrow constantly from the library, so his bedroom floor is always filled with books. One way to deal with this is to create a habit of tidying up with the kid, this doesn’t always work, but at least it’s building the habit that you can benefit from someday. For me, tidying books are much easier than toys. I’ll just stack them in one corner (LOL).
As for toys, we have a system for ‘toy exchange’. So Alessandro has limited toys to play with, example: Lego and Supermarket (pretend play). If he’s bored, he’d ask to exchange his toys, e.g. Lego with Magnet (Connectix). Therefore, he never has ‘too much toys’ with him (no overstimulating) and our living room is at least looking alright. Coz the rest of the toys are stored in the storage room.
A Working System
Regardless of anything I’ve shared, I believe the best thing you can apply to your household so that you can have some form of peace is a system that works. I believe every family has their own rhythym, thus you need to do some trial and error to finally have a system that works. The best way is to have your partner figure out with you so that you both agree and own the system. And then, be consistent about it, so then your children will participate in the system as well.
I know we have 101 things in our mind, 101 things to do, but with organization, with support, I believe we can go through it peacefully!
Let me know if you have tips/tricks to share in the comment!
Cheers, May
Bay Travels: The Journal 