Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh?


**Original Post: Hey woman, so you think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 20 Feb 2014)**

(Please read update of this post below)

This post has been sitting too long in the draft folder. I had mixed feeling whether to post or not to post it. But then I think WTH, some people might get offended but 2014 is a year of honesty, and I don’t mean to offend anybody, I’m just being bluntly honest about my opinion.

So it all started about 2 months ago when I saw this on a social media.

men doing women favor

And then I was like…

I never once thought a man doing a favor or woman doing a favor in marriage. This is what I hate the most about how twisted marriage image is for some people!!! Why would some sex doing another sex a favor?

You know that it meanssss??

It’s time for biiiiiiiiitcccccchiiiiiiiiiin!

Ok, here it comes…

Man and woman should equally enjoy the relationship (marriage in this context) sexually, physically and psychologically. Nobody is doing anybody a favor. If a woman doesn’t want a baby, then she shouldn’t and her husband cannot make her. If a woman doesn’t want to change her last name, then it’s not like she’s going to jail if she doesn’t. NOBODY EVER ASK A WOMAN TO MARRY ANYBODY let alone acting like she is a victim or an inferior human being in a marriage.

A woman getting fat and pregnant is a favor??? So you’re ruining your body as a favor for your husband???? OH YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD!

When your neighbor asked you to water their plants, it was a favor. When your friend asked you to buy some hot choco in a rainy day, it was a favor. When you ran errands for your mom, it was a favor. You might not like it, but you’re doing it because you’re being a nice person.

Will you get pregnant just because you’re being nice to your husband????

And then, will you take someone’s last name (let alone married them) just because you have to do a favor?

A woman should WANT TO marry a man because she loves him regardless whether he proposed or she proposed, but never begging to ask a man to marry her (Eww!!! Begging a man to marry you is like the lowest self esteem somebody can have) so that the man and the woman want the marriage equally.

It is so funny to hear women complain how they are treated as second class human being by their husbands when they were asking to be one in the beginning. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Come on! No women should ever feel obligated, burdened or used when she decided to be a wife or a mother. Period. WOMEN… YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS NOT TO BE A WIFE OR A MOTHER. Remember you did it to yourself so NEVER COMPLAIN AS IF YOU’RE DOING ANYBODY A FAVOR. GEEZ!!!

I would love to have a baby with Bandi someday and I would love to take his last name without playing the “I do sacrifice” card. I will only do whatever makes me happy. Period.

Stop spreading sexist quote, people! Man and woman are both equally responsible of marriage and parenthood.

Sometimes I feel sexism happened because woman asked for it, because they’re putting themselves as victim in the first place. You’re a happy wife and you’re a loving mother. That’s all you need to be. If you are not, THEN BE ONE! Once you have decided to be a mother, you SHOULD NEVER complain that you are a mother! It’s like buying chocolate ice cream and crying while you’re licking it. It’s just so stupid in so many levels!

There must be something really REALLY WRONG with you when you think being a wife and a mother is a favor. SERIOUSLY.

I’m sorry if I sound rough and it wasn’t only about the picture I posted above, but it’s about all the complains I heard from my fellow friends who are wives and moms. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop creating dramas and playing the big sacrificial victim. you’re just making yourself look weak and sad.

Heads up! You’re a woman for god’s sake!

Cheers,

May – 20 Feb 2014

couldn’t help not to bitch about it. 

And I’m updating it now…. (more like a sequel)

**Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh? (on 9 Jan 2015)**

It’s almost a year from the date of the original post and let me tell you this… nothing really changed much. (Guess bitching can never change the world, huh? LOL)

The good thing is… I also don’t change my perspective about it, even after I got married. Yes! I wrote that when I was still a fiancee, when people said my life was still good. They said it’s gonna be different once I became a wife.

Guess what, baby?

It’s even better!!!

I have never ever ever put myself as a victim of marriage. That’s, my friend, is the first rule. I don’t do any favor to Bandi. Everything I’ve done for him is a pleasure for me.

Cooking for him, cleaning up his mess, buying him clothes, etc etc you name it… They are not favors. Maybe you haven’t heard, it’s called TEAMWORK.

I believe in teamwork in marriage. I cook, Bandi washes the dishes. I did laundry, Bandi ironed the clothes. I prepped the ingredients, he cooked. I picked the movie, he picked the snacks. He’s in charge of dealing with the vendors, I’m setting up giro for our banks. And the list goes on and on and on….

Many women believed (and it did happened to them) when they got married, they automatically enrolled themselves as a “wife” label, who should do all household-related. That’s why everything household related are usually called “obrolan ibu-ibu” (housewives’ conversation).

Am I offended as a feminist? No lahhh… I’m not so sensitive one… (please pronounce this in Singlish for fun)

I just feel sad that marriage is perceived unequally, as if women have more responsible, thus women usually felt “tricked” after they got married.

Here’s the thing, the ugly truth.

WOMEN DID THAT TO THEMSELVES.

They victimized themselves. That’s not cool, ladies.

Let’s change our perspective. We are equally responsible, equally enjoying and equally contributing in marriage as men. Contributing doesn’t merely measured by money, it can be measured by ideas, thoughts and values.

One man + one woman + great teamwork = awesome marriage life

Make decisions together! Don’t outshine each other, remember equality! You can argue as long as you guys want, even do not stop the argument just for the sake of not fighting. Stop argue when the two finally compromise and find the meeting point. Talk and share a lot! Share things, share thoughts, share chores, share everything! He is your life partner, sharing the LIFE!

I’m growing up in 2015. I don’t bitch out that much anymore. So I’m telling you this seriously.

Remember always, he is your very best friend, your forever BFF. And as I learned from Lorraine (one of the smartest blogger I know), the foundation of friendship is equality.

Marriage is an infinite BFF relationship. So, why would you not be equal?

Ok, let me bitch out a little bit. Those women who put themselves below their husbands? THEY ARE THE WORST!!!

It’s up to my husband.,,” “I want to do this, but my husband doesn’t let me…” “He’s making the decisions, I’m just following his order.”

Graaaaaaaaaaaawwwwh!! Go live in North Korea lahhhh!

You know the saddest part is… When she was single, she was smart and all… and then she just… turned off, like totally shut down after she got married. Whyyyyy?!!!

(well, come to think of it, she’s not that smart lah, she did it to herself anyway.)

Ok ok… I quit yelling and bitching. I’ll just have to accept the fact that these things still happen and I can’t do anything about it, can I?

But if you read this and you realize I’m making a lot of sense… Please remember…

Never settle with a guy who thinks he’s higher than you (or any girls). He’s a total tool or he has problem with his masculinity.

Trust me, real men don’t get intimidated by feminists. Real man will enjoy sharing his life with a woman who embraces her freedom.

Go for those men. ;) *wink wink*

Cheers,

May – 9 Jan 2015

a feminist wife is a happy wife.

51 thoughts on “Hey woman, so you STILL think you’re doing a favor, huh?

  1. I completely agree with you. Totally agree. I just don’t understand why some women say that they already sacrifice this and that and after that complaining. I mean, when they say “sacrifices” it truly means that they make choices that they know what the consequences are. If we already know the consequences that we make then don’t complain. Just as simple as that. If women don’t want to get fat and destroy their body by getting pregnant, then don’t pregnant. If women don’t want to change their names following their husbands’ name, then don’t change it. Why do we have to make every thing so difficult? And to be honest, based on what I see on the first picture, do they ever think that men also make sacrifices? So, both sexes, men and women, IMO are equally doing a favor for each other.

    • I don’t want to say that “men are also doing a favor…” but like you said if we all wanted to see it as “favor” then yes, men did too. But seriously, would you want to say that “getting pregnant” and “changing your last name” as a favor?
      When you neighbor asks you to water their plants, it is a favor. When your friend asks you to buy some hot choco in a rainy day, it is a favor. When you run errands for your mom, it is a favor. You might not like it, but you’re doing it because you’re being a nice person.
      When you get pregnant, ARE YOU BEING A NICE PERSON? See the point here?
      Sorry I grumbled much again. :p I might as well add this to the post. hahaha.
      Thanks for commenting. =)

  2. “Sometimes I feel sexism happened because woman asked for it, because they’re putting themselves as victim in the first place”
    Setuju banget May! Sebagai seorang istri, semua yang kulakukan demi suami didasari atas dasar kasih, bukan karena keharusan, keterpaksaan atau karena mengikuti ‘aturan’ yang berlaku di masyarakat. Jadi aku paling benci juga sama wanita yang mengeluh karena melakukan hal-hal untuk suaminya yang katanya, “apa boleh buat? suami gue minta, terpaksa deh sekarang udah hamil…padahal aku pengen menunda sih ya?” ya udah kalo emang ga suka, kok ga nolak? Seharusnya kan semua yang kita lakukan atas dasar kemauan kita sendiri kan? Kalo suami ga bisa diajak ngomong, gimana mau bertahan untuk seumur hidup? capek dong ya…

  3. To summarize (and it’s also applicable to anything in life): Be responsible for your own choice. Don’t complain or bitch about it. Nobody owes you anything:)…. As always, nice one May, totally got your point. haha:)

  4. yeyy you’re back for bitchin hahaha. ini semangat amat may, sampe banyak gambar gif nya hahaha. you’re so funny.
    btw bener tuh, kadang cewe demen memposisikan dirinya jadi pihak ‘tertindas’, padahal ga ada yang ‘nindas’ juga sebenernya, tapi diri sendirinya aja yang merasa gitu, selalu berasa jadi ‘korban’ dan bikin ga hepi sendiri.

  5. 100% agree and you ain’t bitchin’! Oh one other thing I can’t stand is hearing a woman saying: I am very lucky to have him as a husband. WTH! I believe that couples are supposed to be happy to have each other, not only from one side.

  6. Bookkkkk… animated gifsnya juaraaa!!!
    Eniwei.. klo ada wanita yg mikir gitu sih mending dicerein aaja ya ama lakinyee.. ya artinyaa lu ngapain merit ama gue klo semuanya dianggep favor buat lakinye. Toh ngesex sama2 mau.. yakali mau dapet enaknye aja si wanita..

  7. hahahahaha! though I am still a yooooung lady and faaaraway even from saying the word marriage but I totally agree that noone is actually doing a favor in relationship
    I’ll put your words in mind so I won’t act that way later ce
    and if I do (in the faar future hopefully not), please remind me again about this XD

  8. Whoaaa this is a GIFs post!! Kocaakk. Eh kok ga fokus. May i cannot agree more w you and please you are not bitching, kenyataan iniiihh. I just wonder that there are women who still have that kind of mindset?! Gw kadang jg heran bgt klo ktmu cewe indo disini yg masih aja ngandelin suami dan menjunjung tinggi nilai klo mo shopping musti kudu wajib pke duit suami dan haram ngeluarin duit dr kocek sendiri.

    • klo mo shopping musti kudu wajib pke duit suami dan haram ngeluarin duit dr kocek sendiri.–> WHAT THEEEEE???
      Seumur hidup gue pacaran kaga pernah belanja pake duit bandi…. T,T
      Lagian duit suami kan duit kita juga gimane siiiihhhh. Enakan juga belanja pake duit sendiri, kaga ada yang ngomel kan yeeee

  9. Agreed!! That’s why I am doing what I am doing now..I dun take hubby last name, because i want my name to be just ” Elrica ” same like ” Madonna ” kind..u know. hahaha – this is not a serious reason tho..but yeah, i dun feel like taking his last name (yet), i dunno why. And I am getting pregnant and having lovely Ethan for the sake of myself! because i want to own one that i can call ” mineeee “. This may sounds selfish but heck care, I am happy with this and I am just doing this for myself – The individual that I love.

  10. Entah kenapa sejak dulu aku sama sekali nggak tertarik memakai nama belakang suami, terasa aneh, kayak bukan diriku sendiri (lah emang bukan namaku. hehehe…). Now in 8 years of marriage, I’m still doing what I’ve been doing when I was single, having my own life and making my own money. Well, life is kind to me, I suppose :)

  11. setuju banget… suami istri itu equal, a team, partner. gak ada yang merasa lebih tinggi atau lebih rendah.
    paling sebel ama orang yang suka ngasih komen sexist. kalo cowok begini, kalo cewek begitu..

  12. Glad someone is brave enough to say it out loud ! Couldn’t agree more with your statement, we’re always have a choice as a woman, to married or not to married, to be a mother or not and every choice come with consequence. Don’t make a choice then play the victim role.
    Kesannya married itung2 an banget yah.

  13. Dari kemarin dah mau komen pas buka dr hp.. Tapi penasaran sama gambar2nya.. hahaha.. Lucuu bener.. nemu aja yg pas yah May… Dan hurrrayyyy.. Akhirnya lo bitching lagiii.. Kan kangen May udah lama enggak.. *lho* ;P Dann seperti luar biasaanyaa akuhh super duper setujuh.. Soale gw juga gak punya golden heart sampe berbaik hati mau dihamilin orang..haha :D

  14. You’re a happy wife and you’re a loving mother. That’s all you need to be. If you are not, THEN BE ONE! Once you have decided to be a mother, you SHOULD NEVER complain that you are a mother! –> I can’t agree more May!

  15. Hahahaha nih anak dah mulai lagi….. kirain mau bagi2 resep clean eating yg baru..lol

    Yaudah agreelah pokoknya ama lu * drpada di remove dari group clean eating* hahaa

  16. Again: Hear, hear! But then a husband … he should be the equal partner of his wife indeed, sharing 50: 50 the burden of household, the burden of income, the burden of childcare. In short: a friendly, helpful, gentle man. But…. sometimes he may be invited by his wife to temporarily act as a macho – by defending her pride and honour, by being a passionate bedfellow. So a man’s life is difficult these days. Especially since because of lack of horses in an urban environment he hardly can be the prince on horseback :().

  17. Hate to say that I can’t agree more to this post! Life is about perspective. I often think that being a wife and mom is fun (though haven’t got to that step yet) in so many ways! You have your lifetime friends and companions, and what can beat that? So, why bother putting yourself as a victim of a man? It’s so pathetic that some people prefer asking for a respect by putting themselves in a wrong place (like written in the quote). =s. (And, all the GIFs are sooo-May haha.)

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