#30daysblogging Is everyone capable or raising a child?


Day 12

Post is an idea from Nancy

There are three things I have never liked to post about: 1. about my parents or my parental family; 2. about my work; 3. about children (my future children)

However, when Nancy gave a thought provoking topic, I couldn’t say no to talk about children. Well at least we’re talking children in general, not mine.

I have made a post before regarding whether everyone is capable of falling in love, and I haven’t got the answer yet now I’m talking about the other sensitive question. She asked whether everyone is capable of raising a child?

Not giving birth, not being pregnant or putting your sperm onto someone’s ovary, not being a mother/parent technically, but raising a child.

Thankfully for this one, I have my pretty fixed opinion.

My opinion is… NO. I don’t I think everyone is capable of raising a child.

Some were born to have nurturing trait and they dreamed to have kids and when they actually have one they are good at raising them. These people are good parents. They love their kids unconditionally, give the best to their kids and the most important is… THEY NEVER COMPLAIN. They love being parents.

Some were born without the nurturing trait yet they are willing to learn and they are willing to sacrifice their selfish time for the kids. They’re probably not the perfect parents that society approves for but they work hard to be parent.

Some were just born selfish. They love themselves too much it’s impossible to put someone else’s priority above them. These people should not have kids. Yet, a lot still turned up to be one. Oh well… It is lucky (or smart) of she/he married somebody who has the nurturing trait, however I always believe that good parenting comes from a teamwork between father and mother.

For women, the pressure of being parent is bigger than the men. In our society, you are not a woman before you give birth. You are not whole as a woman. Your purpose as a woman is to give birth and be mother.

THAT’S FULL OF BULL CRAP!

So I’m not a woman if I don’t have kids? So my vagina fails? F%#K You!

I hate those people who said “The real woman must give birth, so they become whole.” WTF, this is so wrong. I can’t imagine if somebody wanting to be whole as a woman and ended up pregnant and then she gave birth and then she thought WTF is this, nothing changed, oh no, I didn’t want the baby! So freaking twisted! She didn’t have a replay button, oh no!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I know. But everyone is also entitled to their decision whether they want or don’t want to have kids. Some stupid women let other people make decision for them!

Some people are so selfish and twisted and vain and when they became mother, they would so gonna ruin the child. I’m talking about Snooki and Farrah Abraham for examples. I’m not judging. They’re just victim of the ugly society (and broken condoms).

Because of this pressure for the society, a lot of selfish women were being pregnant half-heartedly… And who is the victim? The children… :(

Complaining moms are normal. I mean, if they complained like “Oh man, teaching my daughter Math is impossible!” or “My kids ruin my backyard again, Graaawh!” it’s totally fine. But when you read something like “Oh, it’s nice of you to go to that party while I’m stuck with my crying baby at home. X(” on facebook and the endless complains from new moms how spending time with their baby is sad, you know something is wrong.

Why would someone complain having a baby when you were the one who wanted it at the first place?

Don’t. Just don’t.

You don’t have to have a baby.

Or if you’re not ready, you don’t have to have a baby NOW. You don’t have to rush things because it’s not only your life, it’s an innocent baby’s life on stake.

Ok, I don’t want to start blabbering about this issue having child too soon because I will so gonna repeat what I said on this post. (anyway that post is one of my best blabbering ever. LOL)

So yeah, the conclusion is… Not everyone is capable of raising a child.

I mean, technically yes, everyone could raise a child, but raising a child in a proper way for the kids to be healthy physically and mentally, NO.

The kids must have some mental problem (don’t be ashamed almost everyone have at least one) or some traumas when they were raised in a disturbing environment i.e. parents fighting all the time, lack of parent’s love and/or attention. It’s just the saddest. :(

I’m not a mom, so you can say this is bullshit and I don’t know how it feels to raise kids or have kids, well you’re right I DON’T. So this might be a bullshit. But I don’t rush it. I admit it to the freaking world that I’m not ready. It’s so weird when people ask about “Oh you’re getting married? How many kids do you want?”

Wait wait wait hold on. Getting married is not equal with having kids. They are two different things. It’s like asking “Oh you’re buying a plasma TV? How many cupcakes do you want?” Not related.

Oh well, I should really stop typing before I make Bandi even more nervous. LOL. Relax Bandi, if you read this, I DO WANT TO HAVE YOUR KID(S) SOMEDAY, ok? Geez, relax!

And I’m gonna tell you. I’m gonna be a great mom. I will. someday.

someday.

Cheers,

May, screwing off before it gets to hormon-y

31 thoughts on “#30daysblogging Is everyone capable or raising a child?

  1. eventho im not getting married anytime soon
    tapi mnurut gw punya anak itu tuh super horror..
    maybe im one of them who is not capable in raising a child.
    or maybe it is not the time yet to think about it. haha..
    but yeah.. i agree with you that mother who complained alot when she wanted the baby in the first place is annoying. ahhaha..

  2. Huahahahahahaaa…baca postingan ini aku jadi bertanya-tanya, May apa lo kembaran gue yang ilang waktu kecil ya? :D
    Soalnya beberapa postingan lo kok rasanya persis dengan pendapat dan pengalamanku sih?

    Trus soal yang ini :
    “The real woman must give birth, so they become whole.”
    Yep, this is what my mom’s friends always said to me and it’s annoying!

    Kesal aja mendengar mereka menyalahkan karena aku belum siap utk punya anak sesegera mungkin (as in last year?) dan merasa aku kekanak-kanakan, padahal menurutku ini adalah sikap yang paling dewasa yang pernah kuambil dalam hidupku…

    And by the way, i’m sure i’ll be a super mom! So i can take care of my baby without ruining my shopping schedule… bwahahahahahaha….

    • Betuuuulll!!! Menurut gue nunda punya anak itu bukan tindakan egois, tapi tindakan yang bijak!!! Justru kita mau make sure kan kalo baby nya tuh arrive di tempat yang 100% safe yah kannn?!! Nggak setengah2 hati pengen punya anaknya. :p

      • iya itunya May… apalagi sekarang selalu denger tentang anak-anak yang kurang nutrisi atau pas denger cerita teman yang kesulitan antara menjaga anak dan bekerja… yah aku jadi mikir dong, kalo mau punya anak harus udah siap memberikan keamanan dan kenyamanan dong… jangan sampai anaknya harus dititipin sana sini…

      • Sebenernya sih menurutku dititipin itu nggak apa2, toh mustahil rasanya jadi ibu yang sempurna selalu 24/7 available untuk anak2nya. Buatku sih sah-sah aja kalo si ibu mau time off dari anaknya dan masih mau bekerja. I don’t judge working mom juga. Banyak kok working mom yang berhasil raise their children dengan baik2 aja. As long as attention dan love nya selalu ada dan komunikasi sama si anak juga bagus, I think it would be fine. Yang penting jangan jadiin si anak jadi beban aja. :)

      • Kalo maksud aku dengan dititipin maksudnya ya contohnya ibunya di kota mana anaknya di kota mana gitu tuh… kalo soal dititipin buat pergi kerja doang sih wajar2 aja yah… cuma contohnya ponakanku yang selalu tanya kenapa mamanya ga ada di sini (karena cici aku kerja di surabaya)… ya itu kan juga membentuk kepribadiannya yang merasa ditolak sama ortunya, padahal ya kembali lagi masalah biaya sih ya…dan aku juga tau kok kalo cici aku bekerja demi anaknya… apalagi setelah dia cerai dari suaminya dan suaminya ga mau menghidupi anaknya, ya tentu saja tanggung jawabnya jadi semakin gede…
        Tapi ya aku jadi belajar dari itu semua, setidaknya udah yakin dulu deh kalo punya anak itu, ga mau jauh2 dari anak… gambaran aku sih juga kalo tar udah punya anak, setidaknya kan di rumah masih ada ortu yang jagain, tapi aku juga harus ada sediain baby sitter ato semacamnya untuk membantu ortu… nah itunya lho yang sekarang masih dipersiapkan dananya… sekarang biaya baby sitter muahalllnya minta ampyunnnn…. lebih hebat dari pekerja kantoran gajinya…. :D

      • Waduh itu sih istilahnya bukan dititipin. Itu Long Distance Parenting. Disini juga banyak kok yang gitu Yul… khususnya orang Malaysia. Mereka kerja di Spore terus kalo hamil, habis melahirkan anaknya dikirim balik ke kampung mereka utk dibesarkan sama neneknya anak itu, mereka tetep kerja di Spore dan tiap bulan kirimin duit untuk si anak. Nah kalo kayak gini kasusnya gue nggak ngerti deh, tujuan punya anak itu buat apa? Coz dia ketemu anaknya cuma 1 tahun paling 2 kali. DIa merasa tanggung jawab sebagai parent sudah terpenuhi karena berhasil membiayai si anak dengan uang yang cukup. Kalo dia balik ke Malaysia, uangnya gak akan sebanyak di Spore so, mungkin anaknya akan kekurangan. But then… it’s not a relationship at all kan? Itu cuma kayak bank yang kerjanya transfer uang aja… :(
        In the end si anak gede tanpa parent, terus pas anaknya gede, si anak dituntut untuk balik membiayai si orang tua. Agak gak adil sih menurut gue.

      • nah itu tuh, aku juga sependapat, karena kalo cuma ketemuan setahun sekali, trus buat apa punya anak? untuk meyakinkan diri aja kalo udah punya penerus? trus juga bener kata lo, ujung-ujungnya anaknya dituntut untuk membiayai balik, menurut aku sih ga heran lho kalo anaknya itu ga dekat sama orang tua, malahan mungkin lebih dekat sama orang2 terdekatnya di sana…
        Makanya cici aku ini sedang berusaha untuk bisa membawa anaknya ke surabaya, dia bilang dia ga mau lama-lama jauh dari anaknya, buat apa punya anak kalo ga dijaga baik2, gitu katanya… dan aku setuju banget. Makanya aku selalu mengingatkan diriku, tujuan punya anak sebenarnya apa? jangan asal tembak aja, trus abis melahirkan bingung ni anak mau diapain? hahahahaha…pusing deh.

      • Betul. Mesti tau dulu tujuannya apa??? Sama kayak merit, tujuannya apa? malesin banget gue kalo orang blg “yah supaya bahagia.” PRETTTT aneh banget. Terus kalo tujuan punya anak, “Supaya jadi wanita yang sempurna” HOEKSSS.
        Udah ah, jadi nyenyes gini. Lo sih, yul! Hahahaha

      • Hahahaaha…kok gue….! hihihihi…
        Singkat kata lah ya, semua dalam hidup itu harus punya tujuan, jangan cuma asal menjalani aja, soalnya ya seperti yang lo bilang, kita ga punya tombol replay dalam kehidupan kita…jadi setiap langkah itu ya harus di perhitungkan matang-matang.
        Btw, setidaknya bagus lah ya kalo dijawab tujuan merit itu supaya bahagia, soalnya banyak orang juga merasa tujuan merit itu ya supaya ga dibilang perawan/perjaka tua. Nah itu lebih NGEHHHH lagi alasannya…. hahahaha…

  3. gw termasuk kategori mana yah hahaha…
    ada yg ngom belom lengkap jd ibu kl nggak lahiran normal, berarti gw bukan ibu krn dua anak lahiran SC abis pegimana dong sungsang semua hahaha jd gw bukan ibu yg sempurna wakakkaka

    • Waduuuuh bukan ibu sempurna dong lo??? Buset tuh anak turun dari langit apaaahh?
      Gue juga sebel banget dah sama orang2 yang suka memicingkan mata kalo tau seseorang ngelahirin pake cara caesar. Rasanya kalo belum kesakitan terus teriak2 di rumah sakit itu pengorbanan sang ibu belum sempurna. Kayaknya jadi ibu tuh harus menderitaaaa melulu. zzzz aneh banget deh. Padahal maw caesar atau normal yah mau2 si ibu lah, toh anaknya sehat. SWT

  4. gua setuju banget ama lu. ada satu murid les gua yang emaknya agak2 stress, saking stressnya, kalo itu anak lagi ga mau nurut, bisa dipukul ampe baret2… fotonya pernah gua taro tuh di IG. keras sama anak boleh, tapi kalo ampe mukul, itu big big no buat gua. emang ga semua bisa jadi a good mom, tapi semua org bisa belajar jadi good mom…kalo mau belajar hehehe…

  5. Hi

    At the moment gw ga ready buat punya anak. Meski ga tau ya kedepannya gimana? Karena dulu juga gw ga pengen kawin, but it turns out my hubby is the best thing ever happened in my life.

    Tapi seandainya Tuhan kasih anytime gw terima and do my best to be the best mom I can.

  6. So damn true!
    Eh, kalo kubaca2 jurnalmu, May. Kamu sebenernya bijaksanaaaa sekali. Dan aku nggak ragu kamu akan jadi ibu yang baik buat anak (anak) kalian nanti. Well okay, someday! :D

  7. eh kenapa lo gak suka ngomongin kerjaan lo? not your dream job ya? (OOT)

    eniway gw suka sama kalimat terakhir lo. U say u don’t want to have child NOW, not NEVER. Soalnya kalo bilangnya gak mau punya anak aja.. GOSH, u don’t know what you want in the future kan. Dan bila saatnya tiba (saat lo merasa lo pengen dan ready utk punya anak), kata2 lo bisa jadi udah didenger sama malaikat/setan dan dikabulin loh! So be really careful with what u wish for.

    Cheers,

    Mel, Sotoy

  8. It was my grandmother’s sad destiny to become a mother of thirteen ( of which eight died before their lives even started). But in our century to be or not to be a mother or father essentially is a choice, thanks heaven.

    Once the choice has been made the reality is that as parents we all are, and essentially stay, amateurs.

    After having raised by our three kids by trial an error and a lot of luck , we now happily blunder trough the stages of amateur grandparents.

    So, I tend to say NO to the question whether people in general are capable of loving, caring and educating their offspring by the book ( as if there were any trustworthy one), but most of us do their dedicated utmost and manage to do it all the same without disastrous results :).

    Anyway don’t worry. Once they are adolescents the kids actually need to free themselves and get independent from their parents and therefore will be grateful to find some major errors their father and mother made, from which they can distance themselves :).

  9. Nope, having children doesn’t mean turning ones into good parents instantly. Some are still kids who have kids, they simply don’t know how to act like parents because their parents aren’t good role model for this.

    That nurturing part is present naturally but can be taught also.

    I always say there is no manual of how to be good parents though. You just do it and adjust :-)

    I think you will be a good loving and above all, fun mom!

  10. May, di gereja Katolik itu, ditekankan sekali kalau tujuan utama pernikahan itu adalah untuk mempunyai keturunan. Maksudnya tuh lebih ke arah, kalau kamu nggak siap untuk punya anak, ya sebaiknya jangan menikah. Waktu pas kursus persiapan perkawinan, gue sempet nanya2 juga soal hal tersebut, dan gue rada mengerti sekarang dalam kaitannya dengan arah pro-life. Tapi seandainya kalau sudah nikah ended up gak bisa punya anak, bukan berarti gak mencapai tujuan pernikahan ya. Intinya gereja itu kalau gue bisa menyederhanakan adalah, when you get married, it means that you are supposed to be ready with all that come with it, including having a child. And sadly, banyak orang yang dipikir nikah itu enakkk aja, punya anak itu enakkkk aja, main sruduk aja atas nama cinta, tapi habis gitu menyesal. Jadi sebelum nikah, harus mikir dulu, 1001 kali atau bahkan sejuta kali, biar gak salah langkah.

    • Hi Leony. Yes we do aware of that. Sudah diingatkan sama Father berkali2 and i also do aware to teach my kids catholicism. However Father did emphasize of the promise which could last a lifetime :)
      I do want to have kids. It’s not like I condemn it. Lol.

      • Iya… kalo elu mah udah SIAP BANGET MAY! hihihhihi…. :D You will be a great mom! I do believe that. Biasa preman-preman macem kita nih, giliran jadi emak, malah lebih manteb loh!

  11. i believe you’re going to be a great mom someday!!!!
    well, we’re planning to have kids this year .. terus kemaren mikir pengen jalan kesana sin lagi HAHAHHAHAA … ya intinya gw mah lagi doa biar diberi kemantapan nih .. just like what you said, gw ga mau anak gw terlantar entarnya .. lagi mikir gimana cara punya anak dan jalan2 di saat yang bersamaan hahahaha …

  12. Terus ya May, disini kl abis nikah kan orang bakal nanya udah isi belum? Terus kl kita bilang belum mau punya anak dulu untuk skr ini bakal diceramahin 5 jam non stop. Yang mau punya anak siapa yg ribut siapaa.. Hahaha. Dan gw setuju, nikah sama punya anak kan 2 hal yang berbeda. Emang tujuannya nikah cuma buat punya anak ya? Gw percaya May lo pasti nanti akan jadi ibu yang baik buat anak kalian nanti :)

  13. Ah May… you will be an awesome mom someday! Haha
    Walaupun gw salah satu yang merasa ‘whole’ waktu udah punya anak, gw sekali lagi setuju banget sama tulisan lo. Apalagi setelah gw punya anak sendiri. Boooo…. punya anak itu komitmennya luar biasa. Kalo belom siap ya mendingan ga usah lah. Kasian kan satu jiwa harus diserahkan ke tangan orangtua yang belum siap.

  14. Setuju sejuta kali sama isi tulisan ini May! Saeorang sahabatku yang merit di atas 30 pernah nelpon setelah melahirkan anaknya dan bilang “ya ampun Ndang, ternyata anak itu demanding sekali yaaa…” lah lo kira, bisa kayak ke anak orang yang bisa kita pegang saat lucu aja dan pas dia nangis atau pup kita oper ke ortunya? Dan once kita putuskan jadi orang tua, ya nggak bisa tetiba pas capek minta cuti sebentar gitu pengen berasa single lagi. Soal merepet atau mengeluh, dulu aku ngerasa aku ini emang nggak bakat jadi mamak-mamak. Ternyata pas bw ooh banyak juga kok yg nggak sabaran, tapi itu nggak jadi harga mati, kalau emang mau, kita bisa berusaha jadi orang tua yang LEBIH baik.

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