Lately been busy doing stuffs… *ahem* who am I kidding, okay, I admit, this past one month I’ve been busy playing GTA V. Yes, I know as I feminist I should’ve been offended by a misogynistic game like GTA, but oh maaaan the gamer soul inside of me enjoyed it very very much. I have completed GTA V last week and I still love doing the after-main story activities so that’s the main reason why I’ve been so lazy to blog lately.
But after GTA has been completed, I got so busy with my wedding thingy. Arrrghhh doing wedding preparation while you’re on PMS is a bad combination. I cried for such a stupid problems and come to think about it now, I feel embarrassed.
I don’t have any interesting things to talk about but because I have an oath for “post a week” (thankfully the oath will end on this end of the year so I can write anytime I want again start next year) so I “recycled” one of my favorite post.
Christmas is very near, so I re-post a Christmas post I’ve written two years ago. I hope it brings smile on your face as it did to mine. =)
I did spend Christmas’ eve with Bandi in the church ever since. =)
Happy Christmas to all! Be merry!
23rd december 2011.
I grew up having Christmas in my school every year since I went to Catholic school from… err, basically for the whole of my school year, even my college year. I knew best about the story of how Mary and Joseph couldn’t find a home for a shelter when Mary needed to deliver baby Jesus, I took part of the Christmas show every year when I was in elementary, I forget whom I played as though.
I love going to Catholic Church especially on Christmas’ eve just to listen the carols and feel the holy night atmosphere. Not once, I likely to shed a tear (yes I’m that drama queen.) Thus, I received this question a lot, “If you really love Christmas and Church, and plus your boyfriend is a Catholic, why don’t you convert to one?”
Because I don’t believe in god.
I appreciate people’s relationship with their gods. I appreciate my man’s relationship with god. I love to see him praying. I know he believes in god. He has this close relationship with his god that I could never interfere and will never understand, not because it doesn’t exist, but because I don’t believe in god. But doesn’t mean something doesn’t exist just because you don’t believe in it.
If you believed in something, it is what it is you believe. And if you didn’t believe? It will never be existed in your mind.
For a record, no one believe my LDR will work, but ta-daa, it does!
As Buddha ever said,
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
I believe my relationship with this universe and Buddhist philosophy. I believe I am stronger each day because of yesterday. I believe in love and human’s relationship between each other. I cherish what I could feel, such as joy, contentment and comfort.
Everyone has their own joy, contentment and comfort. Some finds in their gods. And a lot of people believe a lot of gods. Why bother to insist someone to believe your god? It’s like insisting someone who can’t paint to take fine art major.
Christmas is an event. For the Christians, it’s the day when Jesus was born. For me, it’s a memory, of my fun childhood, of the warmth of my tiny school, of having an unforgettable Christmas’ Eve Mass with my man before he left to USA, of having hopes and wishes.
He is the only Catholic in his family, while the others are Buddhist. He used to spend Christmas alone, went to Church alone and didn’t get used to having presents on Christmas day. I have a Catholic Dad even though he wasn’t so festive about Christmas. So, five years ago, my man and I went to Church on Christmas’ Eve and since then, I whispered to Mother Mary in his god’s house, “I would like to do this every year with this guy, which ‘this guy’ refers to the guy beside me kneeling towards you, praying. And I hope he prays the same thing.”
The Christmas after was bittersweet. He was about to leave the next week, and that time, I hope his prayer was to come back to me. I was so afraid that it could be our last Christmas together.
Years after that were hard times for us, but having the thoughts of spending Christmas with him somehow got me through everything.
It’s so amazing how memory could make people stronger.
So, this Christmas, after 2 years absent from Christmas’ Eve Mass, I would listen those carols and hold that candle again. After the last two Christmases were spent playing “Merry Christmas Darling” on the ‘repeat one’ mode, buying Christmas card and went to post office and skype-ing and wishing to have the next Christmas with my man, the wish finally comes true this year. (<– I smile while typing this.)
I wish everyone to have a jolly Christmas this year and years after. I wish every wish came true. I wish Christmas Miracles happen to everyone. I wish for more candy canes, louder carols, Santa’s tighter red legging, wetter kisses, warmer hugs and creamier cakes. Coz that’s what Christmas is all about!!!
Can’t wait for Christmas day!
Bonus photos from the past Christmases!
May, on festive mood.