commitment


This is gonna be a short and (hopefully) berbobot post. Got it? Short and berbobot rhyme! LOL.

Okay, seriously, I wanna share this thing.

Maybe you all will be surprised if you know I’m quite religious.

Um, okay that sounds so bullshit. It’s not that I’m religious, but I am really fond of my faith. Anyway I’m Buddhist, I believe in universe and karma. My mom has introduced me to Japanese Buddhist philosophy since I could read and I bought it. I found it to make sense and I made some of my life’s important decision based on the philosophy. I’m comfortable with it and I’m pretty sure I will pass the value to my kids.

Anyhow on my college year, I met a friend and he got me to be more involved to one particular organization which is based on this Japanese Buddhist too and I felt my faith has been getting stronger ever since. When I moved to Singapore he happened to be in Singapore too so with him I continue to involve with the Singapore based organization.

So, to connect this spiritual talk with the title, commitment, let me cut to the chase. I told him that I wanted to take one important step on my spiritual life. I want to apply for an ownership to a scroll so now I can chant towards the scroll, not only to a thin air. He told me that it is a serious commitment and am I ready for it?

I have talked to Bandi and he, as usual, is very supportive. He didn’t understand why does it need a commitment though because with or without scroll, I can always chant.

That’s true. But without the scroll I won’t feel guilty if I haven’t chanted for a month, let’s say because I don’t have commitment.

So I made a pact with myself. I have to chant every day. I have to make a commitment. Since I’m afraid of marriage kind of commitment, let me have a commitment with my faith first. If I could, then I would probably apply for a scroll.

After three days of chanting, I texted my friend, I told him it’s been so long since I chant this often, and he sent me this:

Photo 15-3-13 8 34 18 AM

I was bitch-slapped by this quote. FREAKING TRUE. for everything, not only for faith, for marriage but even smaller things like… painting!

A year ago, I started to paint again, but that only lasted about one week. Then I started to cook from sushi to steak and even baked cakes, then I got bored and stop trying new recipe. Then I enrolled gym and dance class and even martial art class, all are never finished. Yeah, I’m a quitter.

But then Bandi told me, “if you’re a quitter why do you always get what you want?”

That is when a commitment took part. Painting, cooking, baking, dancing, swimming are all my interests. While writing, traveling, running and hopefully my French class are commitment.

Of all these years, even though I’m lazy, I always spare my time for writing and of all these years no matter how broke I am, I always spare money and time for traveling. All of these years no matter how fatter I become or how lazy I am, I always spare time for a run. That, my friend, is commitment. You cannot quit.

Then let’s go to relationship and friendship commitment. All my close friends are either in Indonesia or wandering somewhere and that makes it hard to maintain the closeness. However, since I’ve lived here, I realize that not only relationship needs commitment, friendship does too. You don’t text them or call them only on your convenient time, but also when they need you even when you’re about to have a meeting with your boss or fight with your boyfriend, you must always lend an ear for a friend. That, my friend, is commitment. You cannot quit.

Then the talk continues to… having kids. This is like the BIGGEST commitment of all, and the only thing that scares me. You will be responsible for another human being, for freaking 18 years! And after 18 years you still have to worry occasionally for them! How tiring is that?

But then I remember… how awesome having a friend is, a best friend who completes your sentence and answer “OMG he did what??” for all the small sweats you complain. Being committed to a friend is effortless.

So probably having a kid or get married (not that I wanna do it in that order) could be awesome too.

I’m sorry if this post turns out to be NOT SHORT and NOT BERBOBOT. That’s just me, being committed to my silly self.

Cheers anyway,

May with her sok-wise smile.

13 thoughts on “commitment

  1. I would have to disagree with that picture. Yes, you do what you are interested when it’s convenient. We call them as hobbies. But, to say commitment has no excuses is pretty much wrong. A commitment should have done with love. If you love your job, you would be committed. If you love your God or The Buddha, you would love to pray to them. I’m a Buddhist. I love The Buddha, I’m trying to follow his Dhamma as much as I could but I seldom go to temple or do chanting. Just because I don’t pray as much as others, it doesn’t simply mean I’m not committed to my religion. Praying shouldn’t be done under any forces, not even if you force yourself to do it. If you are committed to something because you love it, you would not look at the result. I love football and my fav club, I always watch and love that club doesn’t matter if they are champions or not. I never think of achieving heaven by following The Buddha. I never ask from my friends to commit themselves to me, but because I love them, I am always here when they need a shoulder, and if they leave after they feel comfortable, I’m fine. That’s the truth. I receive less than 10 ‘How Are You?’ messages from all my friends in a year. My point is, if you question yourself about commitment on something, ask yourself how much love do you have for it? Commitment needs love, not results. When you do something with love, you’ll be amazed how the result would be.

    • Hmm that’s another point of view.
      For me there’s a thin line between commitment and love. I’m very sure I love writing, but sometimes I’m lazy and would choose play the sims over writing my novel. That’s when commitment takes over. I am committed to it and I must do it.
      There is also other commitment that doesn’t have to do with love like sit up. I am committed to do sit up 100x a day and no matter how late I reach home after a hang out with friends, I will do it, that’s commitment with result.
      In my buddhist philosophy, It is recommended to chant every day even though it’s not a must, because reality bites. Sometimes work takes too much time or socializing. That is when commitment takes part. No matter how tired I am after work, i will always chant at least 5 mins. That’s a commitment.
      From my point of view, commitment happens after love, not the other way around. Because when you love someone/something, it’ll fade away after some times and therefore you need commitment.
      For me friendship with my friends is commitment too. I always spare my time to text or call my friends or when I go back to Indo, I’ll squeeze them on my tight schedule.
      Imho I think you have mistaken it with obligation. But even though you didn’t I accept your comments though :)

      • That means you love the sims more than writing. As simple as that. On the surface the sit up looks like a commitment with result, but why did you want to do the sit up 100x a day in the first place? That reason, beauty or whatever it is, has made you love it and that’s how you could commit to do it. For example, if you dont love to be pretty, you would not do facial, make up, or anything. The result is just a reward as a positive suggestion to your mind. complicated, eh..

      • Haizzz.. I didn’t read all and I clicked reply. facepalm. Well, I do the same as you do. I always contact my friends every few weeks no matter if my friends was in the US or Indo. But, I never demand any results from the friendship. Well, I just disagree that commitment is only about results, no excuses.

      • Well I can’t disagree with you being disagree because it’s how you see it.
        From your blog i can see you’re persistent and self motivated.
        Well dear, I’m not. I need rewards for doing things. That’s just me. Haha. Commitment is not my favorite thing but i need to have it.
        It’s just like the long debate about how to raise your kid, being her friend or make them respect you and stuff like that.

  2. I do hope that you put a commitment and a lot of interest in writing forever. Because I think passion comes from interest, and writing without passion would be dead. I enjoy every single piece you write… So far :)

  3. It’s so hard when I have to, and easy when I want to. I admire you, May. It has been years since I started dieting but until now, I have failed. There are always excuses that makes me abandon my jogging routine, for example. Maybe because I don’t really want to do it but I have to.

    But writing, for me, is different than that. I do it because I like to, even when I’m in the middle of a very busy period near the exam, I can always spare 1-2 hours of my time to write something. Maybe that’s what people call passion.

    About marriage…I’m still stuck between “have to” and “want to” Sometimes I think that I really want to get married and spend my entire life with someone. But most of the time I think that I only want to get married because I’m supposed to…I mean, what else we should do after we get a good job and career? So yeah, right now, I couldn’t say anything about it, maybe someday I will find someone who could make me feel that spending the rest of your life with someone is not that bad, hahaha…

  4. Hell..i thought i was also a quitter because i’ve tried many things that i was interested in & then out of the blue I just stopped doing it. Once I tried learning to be a silver smith, then there came my theater period, and knitting or painting. i was enthusiastic at first but then i lost my interest and blamed on the hectic life. But it does not mean that when you stop doing your hobbies that you are not that interested enough in it. It is just your body & mind demands what’s the most important at that moment, and starts to prioritize things. So I think when you stopped painting that doesn’t mean you will stop forever, one day you will pick it up again and start painting again. And with commitment, I think it is a natural circumstance that occurs in our life in order to feel a solid foundation in life that is why we do not permit excuses and just demand results…i am not sure..hehehe

  5. I would have liked to enter on a polemic whether committments should be defined by categories of by (gradual) process, but to cut my comment short :) I restrict myself to revealing my experience that parents’ minefield relationships with their offspring don’t stop after 18 years. Take it from me: they are lifelong – but they potentially are extremely rewarding :).

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