In a (serious) relationship


How many of your friends are in a relationship on their facebook page? Must be hundreds. But how many of them are in a serious relationship that’s actually going somewhere? You know, not the lovey dovey “Honey I love you mwach2”-wall posts but the meet-the-parents kinda relationship.

A friend asked me, if Bandi was just a fling, how did you manage to have a freakin seven years fling?

Well, my friend, of course now he’s not a fling anymore. He’s my boyfriend and we’re in a relationship. Ahem, in a serious relationship. But then I remember that Bandi supposed to be just a fling, how on earth I’m still with him now?! And when was the moment of transition from a casual dry-hump (pretend this is a very funny joke) to a “where do you want to live after graduation?” talk?

I don’t wanna talk about the moment when I knew he’s the one or that I wanted to marry him because that gives me creep . This is the a-ha moment when I knew that he is serious with me, that this is going somewhere (hopefully going to Paris. hahaha. pardon my obsession.)

The A-ha Moments

I asked couple of bloggers and friends and I love how it turned out. They all started to write essays of how the a-ha moment appeared. I agree with every points I’m writing below and I can really relate to every one of them. Every moment will strengthen your feeling towards your partner.

However I also receive a lot of emails saying that they don’t have their a-ha moment, that it is actually a series of personal confirmation of the feeling itself. I guess that makes sense too because everyone has different characters and way of thinking. I, myself, haven’t found a real a-ha moment that could really confirms that he’s the one, and maybe I never will because for me it’s also a series of serendipity. =)

I think that some people only need one a-ha moment for a confirmation, while some others are so self centered they ask for series of confirmation. Hahaha. relax, me too.

So, these are some of the most chosen a-ha moments:

  1. When we believe in the same thing. May it be a religion, a political party or a marvel superhero, people who believe in the same thing usually works for long term, whether it’s a romantic relationship or friendship.
  2. When we shared our dirty laundry. Not literally (Although it also might work literally). This is also the moment when you know it’s a serious relationship because when you share your darkest secret, you knew you can trust this person you share to and what’s better than always having someone you can trust around you? =) That will lead to the future projection of spending the rest of your life with him/her or even serious, marrying him/her.
  3. The sacrifice. This applies both for the sacrificer and sacrificee. (If there were even those words.) Have you ever found out you’re doing something you wouldn’t do normally or something you didn’t like, without even broken a sweat? You’ve done it happily with thoughts that you’re doing it for him/her. You would send her home no matter how far her home is (the further is the better so you can spend more time with her.) Or even more serious, some men would actually die for the women they love.
  4. When we travel together. Always ALWAYS go travel together (just the two of you) before you decided to get married, and not the honeymoon-y kind of travel when you stay at 5 stars hotel and have tour guides all the time but the backpacking kind of travel. Stay in not so good hotel, find out your own path to the museums in the middle of nowhere that you can’t even read the map because it’s written in foreign alphabet. Fight and make up and keep traveling. I have so many friends telling me that they got the a-ha moment when they travel together. SERIOUSLY a lot of blogger friend telling me this. To quote from a man who’s gonna celebrate his 50th Marriage Anniversary soon, “A couple that survives a holiday can survive anything.”
  5. When I’m sick. That is when you wear no make up, grumpy and probably showerless for quite some time. The a-ha moment would probably appear between the times of cleaning up your vomit and feeling happy to see you finally get well.
  6. Distance. I don’t wanna ever encourage this, but sometimes Long Distance Relationship could be your awakening moment when you realize that your life is still going on, but would be much MUCH better with him/her around. And that’s the a-ha moment when you know you want spend more time (or the rest of your life) with him/her.

It gives me hope that now I realize so many people still believe on their guts, and I’m so happy that this question opened a gate of great conversations and great love stories that people shared with me. I’m so touched with how fellow bloggers would love to spend their times writing me long emails about their love story. Thank you Dian, Dea, Wu, Arman, Tantri, and Jerry for the well-written essay attachment. =)

At first I only hoped they would reply me for such short and simple sentence because I guessed they would be too busy or something, so I was so overwhelmed with everyone’s nice replies. And reading their love stories brought smiles on my days.

I ALWAYS LOVE TO READ LOVE STORY. So, random people, you are always welcomed to email me your love story, any kind of story, just to make my day. =)

My stupid a-ha moment

I don’t wanna talk about the scary stuff like whether he’s the one, or something like that. You know I don’t take relationship too seriously so I guess I’ll pick this particular moment as my a-ha moment.

For me, I knew that I started to be in a serious relationship when I first farted in front of him. I think it was about around the 9th or 10th month of the relationship. I did it and he asked, “Did you just fart?” and I was so embarrassed I put a pillow on my face and said “yes” very softly. He laughed his ass off. He later confessed that he was so relieved that I initiated the first fart so now he didn’t need to hold the gas and went to the bathroom everytime he wanted to fart.

And until now, everytime my friend talked to me about their relationship, I would ask, “Have you farted in front of him?” because that’s how you set the bar of how serious your relationship is.

I had a friend who got married only after 6 months of relationship, she hadn’t even farted in front of her husband and I was strongly against the wedding. I told her that you should ever marry someone who never farted in front of you! But I think that came out wrong because she did marry him anyway. =(

When I talked to Bandi about a-ha moment, he would automatically sit up straight and look serious. (Like that would make a lot of difference.) Being the contrast of me, he is very stable with his feeling. He always knew that this relationship going somewhere and he never backed out even I acted all drama about it.

It was when I bought a one way ticket from US to Singapore.

That is why he never doubt about us, that is why he is the stronger one. Because he had his (probably more exploding than a-ha sound) moment when he knew that I’m the one.

Compared that to my farting a-ha moment, I’m so screwed!!!

So, here’s a sharing wisdom… If you have a crush on a non-single guy, try to find out whether he already farted in front of the (stupid) girlfriend, if he hasn’t, you still have a chance!!! Don’t give up! *throw confetti*

Cheers to all the farting couple,

May.

11 thoughts on “In a (serious) relationship

  1. Okay, this is kinda scary. First, our guys were buying a one way tix to SG. Now… The second one, fart is also a part of my “standard”. I remember, I told him once, “Im glad I can freely fart in front of you!!”… Oh well… Hahaha^^.

  2. This is great. I should have known over half a century ago. It would have been so much easier; farting is the quintessence of a lasting love relation. :)). So simple, so true.

    So lovers of the world fart and unite!

    PS: my previous attempt to comment obviously went to spam. Perhaps rightly so:)

    • Are you kidding me Jerry?!! I wish I ha lives YOUR life! When romance was still smartphone-less, simple and waiting for letters :>
      Being asked to actually go for a ball, not to a club, holding hand in hand while you read her a poem. Aaahh tell me more what did you do for romance on that time?!!
      How I wish i have lived that lifeeee! :)

  3. I LOVE your conclusion : “So, here’s a sharing wisdom… If you have a crush on a non-single guy, try to find out whether he already farted in front of the (stupid) girlfriend, if he hasn’t, you still have a chance!!! Don’t give up! *throw confetti*”

    wkwkwkwwkw

    Ya emang farting itu jadi standar yang sangat praktikal dan terukur sih :P Gue sendiri merasa kayanya ga pernah jaim loh dari awal, sampe gak inget kapan pertama kali moment farting itu terjadi. Kayanya dari awal emagn nggak nahan2. Hwahahahahaha *urat malu putus*

    • Hahaha! XD
      Berarti bukan dari mata turun ke hati nih, tapi dr hidung turun ke hati. Hahahah
      Gue sendiri sangat suka masa2 pacaran ketika romance is still in the air. Mungkin krn gue hopeless romantic hehe. I really treasure the first nine month of my relationship yg penuh romance hehe krn setelah kentut itu terjadi, romance nya pasti berubah jd ikatan bestfriend, which is also good krn hub semakin intimate hehe :)

  4. hahahahha you’re so funny. iya sih farting emang jadi standard yang dipake banyak orang. Gw sih lupa sebelom merit udah pernah belom farting in front of each other, i guess we did, but it wasnt really a problem now, was it? :D

    anw, you really opened my mind, with the point ‘you should travel together’ and the quotes ‘A couple that survives a holiday can survive anything’. Yeah i think it’s true. Dan itu bikin gw pengen liburan backpacking dehhhh…. hahahahaha

  5. LOL damn right. My ex bf (now husband) and I did this in our first month. So people, fart away! Though we ticked your points in our first year of relationship, but the a-ha moment was when we bought our first furniture from Ikea, and we didn’t fight with each other when we were assembling those crazy pieces from hell together. I knew that we would be in it for real :p

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