I don’t know anything about death.


All my friends and my blog reader know that I’m not close with my family, mentally and emotionally.

I love my Mom and Dad, but thank god they’re still alive until now.

I have this tendency not to so attached with anyone, including my parents and my siblings. I have never talked about my family in this blog, haven’t I? I wasn’t close to my grandparents either, so when they died, there was no apocalypse-like in my life.

I lost a good friend once, which I made a post about her here.

I liked her very much and it was so sad that she went away so fast.

I also lost my doggies couple of times, and I should tell you, it was the hardest time for me of accepting death.

I learn so many things about death from Mitch Albom’s books, such as Tuesday with Morries, with the famous quotation:

Death ends life, not relationship. — Morrie Schwartz

And also “Five people you meet in heaven” and “Have a little Faith”.

Albom is the only writer that perceive death as a celebration, not a tragedy. And I love him for that.

As beautiful as words could be arranged by Albom, death is surely a tragedy for some people. I want to talk about one particular tragedy that happened in my closest person’s life, Bandi last week. He just lost his Grams, whom he’s very close with, who technically raised him to be what he is now today. His Grams was perfectly healthy and was taken away all of sudden, in the morning, during her usual chores. Nobody knew she would go away so fast.

I was the one who deliver this message to him, which I got from his uncle. He left his office at once and met me at home, to buy tickets to his hometown. He took his two little sisters with him and off we go to his hometown, the longest journey ever because that restless feeling.

I didn’t know losing someone important can really hit your life to the rocks bottom. I really didn’t know, so I did’t know what to do or what to say to him. How broken hearted I was to see him broke down like that, and there was nothing I could do. I was just being there, without doing anything.

Until now, I never talk to him about death because I don’t know anything about it. The same thing when my bestfriend lost her father. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. But that didn’t mean I don’t care at all. I just didn’t know what it was all about. Who am I talking about death? I don’t know anything about it. That’s the only thing that scared me to death, no pun intended.

So, when is this tragedy turns to be this celebration like what Albom has written?

When is this all finally explain the “everything happens for reason?”

;

May.

6 thoughts on “I don’t know anything about death.

  1. my oma is the last person I emotionally attached to. having one person to cry for during funeral is enough. 10 years living with her, only to see her taken away all of sudden without sign or anything… that’s very devastating.

    it’s sad when i remember her. I still see her occasionally in dreams… only to find myself crying again because I realized it’s dream.

    friends come and go, I love having good times with my old friends and really treasured my time during college. but I guess quality time is luxury in adult life, and the fact is, nobody wants to be lonely. I guess living in capital means we no longer have time to others, but it makes us cherish each seconds when we could meet with our beloved ones during scarcity of time, no? (interaction using social media doesnt count)

    however I learn that, it’s better to remember the good times rather than sad ones because we are all going to die and universe has existed about trillion years anyway so all our emotions, civilizations, achievement is nothing compared to age of galaxy.

  2. OMG…I just finished writings about life and death in my blog and then I saw this post…what a coincidence…

    Death is not a new thing to me. I already know how painful it is to lose someone you love when I lose my Internet love in 2001, I was 13 years old back then (http://claude-c-kenni.blogspot.com/2011/08/first-love-close.html)

    But the hardest thing ever to me was when I lose one of my best friend in 2006. She had a blood cancer and she lived with it for 4 years. I was there and I watch how hard she fought for just one more extra day in her life.

    And when she left, she left with no regrets, and she taught me the greatest lesson about life, with her death…(http://claude-c-kenni.blogspot.com/2010/12/way-to-live-forever.html)

    Don’t feel bad because you don’t know anything about death. In fact, I could say you’re lucky. The death of a loved one is the worst thing that could happen in life and no matter what people do or say to make you feel better, it still damn hurt. Just be there for him, listen to him, and let time heal the wounds…

    My deepest condolences for Bandi and his family…may God be with them…

  3. I guess everyone knows the experience of not knowing what to say to someone who lost a loved one. Being old myself I know since I have buried and cremated quite a number of relatives and friends.

    Actually I think grieving people usually just want someone who pays them attention, who is around, someone they can talk to more than someone who talks to them, someone close enough to feel comfortable enough to deflate their emotions. Like you did.

    Death is part of life, it isn’t a tragedy, it can be a good experience for those who are left behind, but – unlike the author- to me it’s absurd as well. Incomprehensible and sometimes it looks like even unjust when children are involved.

    But then, It may take a lot of mourning, but life goes on. Not afterlife, nut life here and now. And that’s great.

    • Colson,

      Thank you for your warm and soothing words.
      I hope I could understand more about death and help my loved one to make peace with himself. :)

      Thank you again.

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