Stop thinking, start feeling.


So my bestfriend texted me the other day that she has been reading older posts from Sanguine’s Journal and she realized how much I’ve grown during writing this blog. I used to be cheeky and cheerful and all my posts were so optimist (if it doesn’t want to be called delusional). Now I’m more of sarcastic bitch.

I don’t see this change as a negative change. I’m so happy I’ve grown up. And my writing has grown up as well. If I read my novel that was written on 2004, I probably would puke out. And if 10 years from now I read this post, I would probably laugh about it and say “what do you know about grow up, you silly little girl?”

We’re always growing up, no matter how old we are. Growing up is a part of life, inevitably. When you’re together for so long with someone, you’re growing together, just like Bandi and me. But when we started to growing up apart from each other, that’s when the problem came.

Anyway, this friend told me how Bandi has changed from this post she read to now. Bandi used to be this cheesy (not so) romantic guy. He would comment on my blog posts, write on my facebook wall and do other cheesy annoying stuffs online.

He waited for me in a drizzling night, holding one stalk of red rose. He asked me to dance and he loved to dance. He kissed me under the moonlight and other surprising places. He used to be very spontaneous and crazy in love with me.

My friend told me, “I forgot Bandi used to be this sweet to you. I forgot he used to talk “Aku-kamu” with you. “Aku-kamu” means “I-you” in Bahasa but it is usually used for people you love or you respect for while “Gue-elo” is used for friends and considered a slang language.

Bandi talks “gue-elo” most of the times now, but he still uses “aku-kamu” sometimes. For Indonesians, people will know whether you two are an item or just a friend by talking the pronoun to other other person.

So I guess Bandi and I are more like best friends now.

Saturday 2 weeks ago, Bandi went eating and drinking with his friend. When he came back home, he said “I went to a very nice place today, and I remembered you. How I wished I would take you there. will you go out with me next Saturday?”

And I was SHOCKED!

I forgot when was the last time he asked me out on a date. probably two or three years ago, before the Long Distance Relationship.

I asked him whether he realize how long it’s been from our last date and he did realize. He said it was probably the times when we still lived in Bandung.

So we went out on a date the following Saturday and hands down, it was a nice place. we went eating korean BBQ, watching fireworks, listening to live music (which is played by an orchestra! Super awesome), sitting on the edge of Singapore river, looking at the beautiful scenery.

Three days later, I told him, “You know, that moment last Saturday, you could’ve asked me to dance. The ambiance is perfect. The orchestra played a song that I like. Why didn’t you?” And he replied, “I was embarrassed.”

That’s the problem. He used to never feel embarrassed to do all the crazy romantic things because he fell in love like crazy back then. He didn’t care what other people think. Maybe people used to stared at us or talked about us behind our backs, but we never cared. No matter how you act, people will always talk about you behind your back, whether you care or don’t care.

Love is a feeling. We don’t think when we’re in love, do we? We do all those stupid things in the name of love, don’t we? I can’t list all the stupid things I do because of love because it’s just too much. I don’t regret any thing from the list. I live to love. Why do you have to put your thoughts on that?

Thank you for a friend of mine who reminds me that I used to be silly and clueless. Thank you for reminding me that I could bring the best out of Bandi again.

Let’s do idiotic things again, sweetie. You don’t think when you love someone. You feel.

Love,

May.

5 thoughts on “Stop thinking, start feeling.

  1. I thought it should be between us. huh? just kiddng.
    No excuse for those above offending but truth sentences about me. Lately everyday seems tiring and makes me lazy to do anything. it ends up i stopped feeling and started thinking rest is my priority. from that time. i started thinking and thinking.
    Bear with me honey. We will try to live up in this shitty working life. Hahaha.
    i love you and never stop thinking about u.
    Trust me i do.

  2. awwwwwwwwww…..hahaha..
    these post keep me laughing while reading. *and u know what,may. when i type this comment, i get a notification from ur comment in my blog! flip-floppp!!!*

    bandi, no matter what i’ll still always love u. u’ve got my back! lols
    but yeah, i really do miss ur both sweety-cheesy relationship which was expressing how each of u feel..
    do feel grateful that u’re both of u are in the same place!
    ~~~jd inget may nangis2 n curhat ampun2an pas long distance relationshit :))))

    anyway bandi, these post is one kind of may’s reminder that she misses those romantic-shitty-teenager cuteness. she asked me to tell u directly about this *no kidding, haha*

    and may, u’ll bear bandi huahahahahaha…

    from:
    cutest smart pretty girl *hey, don’t comment pls..start feeling-stop thinking*
    cheers!

    • Can’t help not to comment this!
      First of all, the “tell bandi about this” supposed to be OUR THING. Grrr
      Second, I don’t think in any relationship, people could say passionate or romantic for the whole times of relationship. There must be some times when the feeling change and it’s inevitable. I don’t complain in my post, if you read carefully. I’m just saying we should start feeling so all the cutey romantic things would be effortless.

      Yay to flip flop!

      • hahahaha..upsieee

        anw,
        I don’t think in any relationship, people could say passionate or romantic for the whole times of relationship. There must be some times when the feeling change and it’s inevitable. I don’t complain in my post, if you read carefully. I’m just saying we should start feeling so all the cutey romantic things would be effortless. — > Agree :)

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