I hate myself for the way you died


I knew it when the first time I saw you that I had fallen in love with you.

You were so damn cute with your rounded fatty belly and your so-adorable whiny face and the way you kept licking my nose.

It still hurts me now just to remember how real those all were.
How I took you to the place that soon you called home. How I really touched your face, how I really rubbed your belly, how I really kissed your head every night, how your crying woke me up in the early dawn just to accompany you to pee.

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Even though I cursed a lot, even though I complained a lot, I really enjoyed all those things.
Kamu yang selalu tidur di atas t-shirt-ku sehingga semua bajuku jadi bau kamu.
Kamu yang jadi ‘gila’ kalo nyium bau ayam cabe ijo-nya bu aryo.
Kamu yang malas di kala siang dan sangat aktif di kala malam, membuatku harus bangun jam 1 pagi cuma untuk nemenin kamu main.
Kamu yang sering gigit2 jari telunjuk-ku.
Kamu yang selalu bunyi kerincing2 ngikutin aku meski aku cuma pergi ke kamar mandi.
Kamu yang cuma bertahan satu jam tidur di atas ranjang karena kegerahan.
Kamu yang akan menggonggong sekeras-kerasnya kalo denger lagu Mission Impossible.
Dan kamu yang langsung tidur kalo denger lagu Raindrops keep falling on my head, dan gara-gara kamu aku jadi hafal lirik lagu itu.
Kamu yang sangat doyan Spaghetti, Pempek, dan Bakso Ponsri.
Kamu yang sekarang membuat kamarku terasa sangat besar, sepi dan dingin karena you’re not there anymore.

Baby, I miss you. I really horribly do miss you.

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Aku kangen betapa menyebalkannya dan berisik dan rese dan bikin aku ngepel lantai kamar terus menerus dan gendutnya dan betapa adorablenya makhluk kecil berbulu itu.
You made me feel warm.
You made me feel safe.
You made me feel needed.
And it was such a true meaning of comfort.

And when the “Shoulda Coulda Woulda” appeared, I was thinking, I should’ve came back real soon, so then I could bring you to the doctor sooner, and you would still be here right now.
I hate myself for making you wait.
I hate myself for the way you died.

But I just didn’t know what to do, coz I always thought that you’re such an unbeatable kid.

Iorek-ku,, be safe in heaven. I know that you’re always gonna be there, sleepin’ tight upon my t-shirt in the corner of my room, your favorite spot. And you’re also always there in the corner of my heart.
You, sweet little adorable puppy,, I’m so gonna miss you like your never-ending footsteps when you were running.
Iorek,, mommy and daddy are gonna miss you like hell!
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Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin’ seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun
And I said I didn’t like the way he got things done
Sleepin’ on the job
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Cryin’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothin’s worryin’ me

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-YourMommyandDaddy-

3 thoughts on “I hate myself for the way you died

  1. Me too, may.. waktu gw baca, gw baru inget kalo dia se-menyebalkan, se-ngangenin, se-ribut, se-manja, dan se-semua itu..
    sempet memang gw pikir lu agak terlalu ‘drama-queen’ juga, pasca perginya Iorek, tapi pas tadi gw baca blog lu, gw aja yang nggak terlalu deket (dan mungkin nggak terlalu disayang :D) sama dia juga jadi sedih lagi.. apalagi lu (kalian) ya?? yaah.. gw yakin di sana dia lagi lari2 kecil sambil trus bunyi ‘krincing2’ dan menghibur semua angel dengan whiny face-nya.. so, sekarang, tinggal dia ngeliat lu senyum lagi.. okeh!
    *big hug*

    -Mary Jane en Peter Parker-

  2. May, aku minta maaf ya, aku baru tau kabar itu dan aku dengan bodohnya waktu itu ngirim sms bodoh. Maaf bgt ya! Aku ga maksud lho!

    Btw, aku tuh dari kecil pelihara anjing lho, dan selalu mengalami “perpisahan”. sedih sih, tapi yang bikin aku semangat lagi dan ga kapok buat memelihara anjing lagi adalah karena aku berpikir kami beruntung telah bertemu satu dengan yang lain. Aku punya temen (yang nota bene aku adalah seorang individualis yang memiliki gejala autis)dan dia bertemu seorang manusia yang mau menjaga dia, jadi dia ga terlantar (kayak Maca atu Choco,hehehehe).
    May, semangat ya!

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